


'cause i've still got a lot of fight left in me

by Daten_Shi



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Anakin Skywalker Doesn't Turn to the Dark Side, Fix-It of Sorts, M/M, single dad anakin au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-01
Updated: 2016-03-03
Packaged: 2018-05-24 03:06:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6139222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daten_Shi/pseuds/Daten_Shi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Obi-Wan was grateful to Dex, who had employed Anakin after he’d gotten kicked out. For the past seven years, Obi-Wan had visited Dex only when he knew Anakin wouldn’t be there, and Dex had kept him updated about how Anakin and the twins, Luke and Leia, were doing. The updates had never been good."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. all those things i didn't say

**Author's Note:**

> First off, thank you to DistantShenanigans for encouraging me to post this, and for helping me brainstorm a title.
> 
> Second off, title from Rachel Platten's "Fight Song"
> 
> Third off, I really hope I can keep up with this fic. If I don't feel like I'll ever finish it, I might just take it down instead, but I really want to see this through to the end. I'm not very good at chaptered fics, because I lose interest or inspiration or ideas, but I'm determined to finish this one.
> 
> WARNINGS: (I guess?) Padmé died before the beginning of this fic. She died in childbirth.
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Obi-Wan stood outside Anakin’s front door and took a deep breath. He hadn’t seen or heard from his former Padawan in seven years; not since everything happened. The Chancellor turned out to be the Sith Lord, Padmé died in childbirth, and Anakin was kicked out of the Order with two newborns to care for.

Except that wasn’t quite true – he _had_ heard from Anakin during those first few months. Anakin had tried to talk to him multiple times after everything, but Obi-Wan had been hurt that Anakin hadn’t trusted him enough to tell him, so Obi-Wan had ignored him until Anakin had stopped trying. That didn’t mean he hadn’t heard _about_ Anakin. Obi-Wan was grateful to Dex, who had employed Anakin after he’d gotten kicked out. For the past seven years, Obi-Wan had visited Dex only when he knew Anakin wouldn’t be there, and Dex had kept him updated about how Anakin and the twins, Luke and Leia, were doing. The updates had never been good.

This was how he came to that moment, standing in front of the door to a cheap, one room apartment in one of the lowest parts of Coruscant. Dex had told him that enough was enough and that he needed to face Anakin, because Anakin wasn’t doing too well. In the first four years, Anakin had been too busy to feel, to think, but Dex said that wasn’t really true. Anakin had _kept_ himself too busy to think or feel, but it had stopped working a few years ago. Then even when he was busy, he still felt, still thought, but nothing good ran through his head. It had only gotten worse as the years passed. Dex said Anakin was in danger of working himself to death just to keep his kids fed, and that the twins had come to him because they were terrified for their father. Now Obi-Wan needed to step in and attempt to fix things, fix _Anakin_.

(Of course it in no way had _anything_ to do with Padmé’s ghost coming to him in a dream the previous night to tell him that she always knew she was Anakin’s second choice. That Anakin thought his first choice would never return his feelings. That Anakin had always loved _him_. It had nothing to do with that at all.)

Finally, Obi-Wan gathered the courage to knock on the door. A few seconds later the door opened just enough for Anakin to look out and see who it was. The way Anakin flinched violently at the sight of Obi-Wan broke his heart, but not as much as how Anakin kept his eyes on the floor as he opened the door fully and let Obi-Wan in. As he stepped into the room, Obi-Wan couldn’t breathe. The door that led to the bathroom was across the small room, and in the farthest corner was a queen size mattress with two pillows and a heap of blankets. Another pillow sat on a beaten up couch, and past that there wasn’t much else except for a pile of clothes in one corner.

Two kids, a blonde boy and a brunette girl, sat on the bed playing with a deck of torn up cards. Both they and their clothes were dirty, but they didn’t look too skinny. The same couldn’t be said of Anakin who looked gaunt and hollow, with his bones visible under his pale skin – _pale_ , when the tan from Tatooine had never left his skin before. Heavy bags rested under his eyes, and his hair had been thrown up into a messy bun. More scars littered his body, and Anakin’s mechanical arm was too broken to be anything but a dead weight. Obi-Wan guessed he didn’t have the money needed to buy the parts so he could fix it. Dex had said it was bad, but Obi-Wan had never expected _this_.

The children took one look at their father, at his defensive posture and downcast eyes – no doubt they had also seen his flinch – and a second later they were running over to stand in front of their dad, wearing expressions that belonged on the face of someone much older than seven. They were angry and suspicious, and Obi-Wan reasoned in the back of his mind that they had every right to be. Anakin’s face scrunched up, his heart visibly breaking at what his kids were doing. He didn’t even seem to realize that he was mouthing, “You deserve better,” at them.

Anakin rested his single hand on their shoulders and seemed to steel himself though he still didn’t look up at his former Master. “Obi-Wan,” the shakiness, the _fear_ and _hurt_ in his tone brought tears to Obi-Wan’s eyes, “what are you doing here?”

Before he could answer, Luke and Leia looked at each other in shock, whispering, “Obi-Wan?” Then their faces set in determination as they pushed Obi-Wan out the door and into the hallway, closing the door behind them and trapping their father inside. At Anakin’s surprised shout, Leia called back, “This will only take a minute, Dad! We just want to have a word with _Obi-Wan_.” The way she said his name, sickly-sweet paired with a cold smile, made Obi-Wan think that this might’ve been a bad idea. Luke and Leia kept a good grip on the doorknob, using their weight to keep it closed. Still, Anakin should’ve been able to open the door easily, but he didn’t.

Luke noticed his confusion and frowned, “What, do you expect him to throw open the door and lecture us on it? He _can’t_. Physically, he would be able to. But how do you expect him to do that when all he feels is emptiness, defeat, and failure?”

“He’s _broken_ and it’s yours and the rest of the Order’s fault!” Leia hissed. “I can bet you that he’s sitting slumped against the wall by the door with his arm over his knees like a pillow for his head.” Obi-Wan took a step back at the twins’ fierceness. They were definitely Anakin and Padmé’s, if he still had doubts even after seeing them.

“He’s in pieces, but we’re not going to let you mess him up more. He’s been through too much – in his entire _life_ – to be put through anymore crap.” Luke glared at him.

Obi-Wan looked up in shock, “You know about everything he’s gone through?”

“Dex told us,” explained Leia sharply. “That’s not the point though. The point is that you don’t hear him crying when he thinks we’re asleep. You don’t hear him apologizing to Mom for not loving her enough, to us because we deserve better. You don’t hear him apologizing to _you_ every night for failing you, for disappointing you, for being unable to tell you because he was afraid of how you’d react, for _loving_ you even knowing you’d never feel the same.”

Luke took over from his sister “He only sleeps when he collapses, and he only eats when Dex practically shoves food down his throat. Everything else goes into making sure we get enough to eat. The nights he lies awake are spent trying to think of anything more he could do for us, and thinking about everything he’s ever done wrong.”

Leia cut in, furious, “We’re lucky that Dex heard Dad mumbling to himself a few years ago about considering _selling himself for money_. Dex told us, and we stopped that before it started. We know he still considers it – anything to help us have a _better life_ – but we know his schedule too well, and we’ll wake up if he tries to sneak out.”

Luke smiled, and much like his sister’s earlier smile, it wasn’t kind at all. “Take this as the warning it is, mess up and we won’t hesitate to attempt murder, Jedi or not.”

Obi-Wan looked between them, bewildered, “Alright, might it be better if I consulted you two on the best course of action before doing anything that could be too much?”

The twins looked at each other, pleasantly surprised, and Luke truly smiled, “That would be wonderful.” Leia smiled as well.

“First course of action: apologize. For everything you played a part in.”

Obi-Wan chuckled sadly at Leia’s words. “That was my original plan.”


	2. i will scream them loud tonight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Recap: " The twins looked at each other, pleasantly surprised, and Luke truly smiled, 'That would be wonderful.' Leia smiled as well.  
> 'First course of action: apologize. For everything you played a part in.'  
> Obi-Wan chuckled sadly at Leia’s words. 'That was my original plan.' "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, thank you to DistantShenanigans for looking over it. It really was a huge help.
> 
> And trust me, the first thing I had written for Chapter 2 was /awful/. This is a lot better though, so maybe not a disappointment.
> 
> I can't always promise quick updates like this though. I will try my hardest, but I won't promise updates every day or two, that really is setting you guys up for disappointment.

As the door shut to the small apartment, Anakin leaned back against the wall, just out of range of the door, and slid to the ground with drooping shoulders. His legs were pulled up nearly to his chest with his arm trapped between his head and his knees. He didn’t know what to do anymore. Before, everything was going _fine_ , his twins were healthy and always got enough to eat, and doing as great as they could in their situation and, really, that’s all that mattered!

He had accepted the fact that Obi-Wan hated him years ago, and resigned himself to never seeing his former Master again. He knew he had failed and disappointed Obi-Wan and that was cemented when Obi-Wan ignored Anakin whenever he tried to talk to him in the beginning. Now though? Now Anakin’s world was being thrown into chaos.

Anakin had always tried finding a second job, or even just a better paying one, but with where they lived, the idea of leaving Luke and Leia home alone _terrified_ him – too many break-in’s and murders happened in the area. (He had tried, _once_ , at their request only a few months back. When he came home, they were shaking and crying as they squeezed him tightly and told him they weren’t going to do that again – Anakin had no problem with that, Dex had to send him home early because he was too worried.) He couldn’t hire someone to look after them while he was gone though because they were too tight on money. Any job he took would have to allow his children to hang out somewhere, like in a back room or something, but everywhere he checked with said either they didn’t need help, or that his kids wouldn’t be allowed to hang out.

When he considered selling himself he rationalized it that leaving them home alone as they slept would be alright. Fewer things happened at night because most people were actually home and the majority of people that lived in their area were extremely dangerous and definitely _not_ the kind of people you want to anger. If it got them extra money to make his children’s lives better, he’d leave them alone at night and sell himself in a heartbeat. Had Dex not found out and consequently told the twins, he would have gone through with it.

Dex had always let his kids sit in the back, and when they got older they were allowed to sit at one if the tables. He’d helped them so much over the years that Anakin didn’t know how he would ever thank him. He gave Anakin a job despite not needing any extra help considering his droid employees, and he paid Anakin as much as he could afford to. Dex had explained everything about human childcare to him in the first few years, though Anakin never asked where he learned so much about human childcare. He had even reassured Anakin whenever he would break down.

Even through those times, everything was _fine_. (He knew Dex, Luke, and Leia would all disagree that everything wasn’t fine because _he_ wasn’t fine, but he ignored that.) Everything was fine because his kids never went hungry and that really was all that mattered. Anakin gave them everything he could, which wasn’t much, but he was lucky enough to be blessed with two incredibly understanding children that he knew without a doubt he didn’t deserve. They were so good to him, and were always trying to take care of him, but he couldn’t do that to them. He couldn’t be more of a burden to them than he already was. He didn’t care what happened to him as long as they were doing as well as could be expected.

Obi-Wan showing up changed everything. Anakin couldn’t help but worry about _why_ he was there. Was he there to tell Anakin how much of a disappointment and a failure he was, and to make sure Anakin knew how much he hated him? Or was it to finally take his children away and raise them in the Temple as Jedi? They were definitely strong enough in the Force, at least around Anakin’s level, and the Jedi would never let that much power go untrained. If they took his children away from him, Anakin would have officially lost everything. He knew that if they took Leia and Luke away, he would waste away because they were everything to him. Without them he wouldn’t have lived as long as he had. His own life didn’t matter except to take care of them until they grew up; they were his only motivation he had to keep going. If the Jedi took his children away, Anakin knew he wouldn’t last the week.

Anakin didn’t look up as the door opened, or when Obi-Wan kneeled in front of him before the door had closed. He didn’t have the energy to look up. There was no point. He’d also have to look at Obi-Wan if he looked up, and he couldn’t bear to do that; not when he was frightened of what he’d find. He couldn’t face the person he knew he’d disappointed and hurt the most. Even when Obi-Wan whispered, “Anakin,” he didn’t look up. Then, even softer, barely audible, “Ani, please, look at me?” The slight head-shake Anakin gave was enough to convince Obi-Wan to stop attempting to coax Anakin into lifting his head.

He heard Obi-Wan sigh and felt even guiltier, but the guilt didn’t outweigh the shame. “I had hoped to say this to your face,” Obi-Wan murmured to him quietly, “but I won’t force you to. I wanted – I _needed_ – to say that I’m sorry.” Anakin tensed; Obi-Wan was here to take his kids away. At least he felt bad about it.

He listened as Obi-Wan continued, oblivious to Anakin’s thoughts. His voice sounded as though every word brought him closer to tears “I’m sorry you didn’t feel that you could trust me. I’m sorry the Order kicked you out, and I’m sorry they didn’t help you build a new life. I’m sorry I ignored you; it was childish and I regret it more than anything.”

Anakin looked up, just enough that his face was still mostly hidden behind his arm and legs, but he could look at Obi-Wan with hesitant hope. Anakin didn’t even notice his own eyes beginning to burn with a mix of tears and too many hours of being awake.

“I’m sorry you had to raise Luke and Leia on your own!” Anakin watched, tears finally falling, as Obi-Wan began crying in earnest. “I’m sorry you’re living in a dilapidated apartment in one of the most dangerous parts of Coruscant! I’m sorry you’re only skin and bones, and I’m so sorry I didn’t show up sooner but that ends now!” A beat of stunned silence followed after Obi-Wan’s yell.

“That ends now,” he repeated, barely a whisper this time. “Anakin, if you’ll allow me, I’d like to help you. You deserve a better life, a great life. Please, let me help you live the life you and your children deserve, full of happiness and laughter.” Luke and Leia watched the pair uncertainly.

“Why?” rasped Anakin, curling in on himself as much as he could. He couldn’t understand. They hadn’t spoken at all in the last seven years, not once, and did he even have to mention how much he probably disappointed and hurt Obi-Wan?

Obi-Wan shrugged, giving his former Padawan a watery smile. “Because you shouldn’t have to do this alone. Because you and your children deserve so much _better_. Because I never should’ve left in the first place. Because I’ve been in love with you for so many years. Take your pick, they’re all true.”

Anakin gaped at him, pure astonishment written on his face. He wanted to hope, he wanted to hope _so much_ but he was terrified to hope. He's been awoken from too many dreams to believe that this was real and too many nightmares to not check. “You… you aren’t here to take Luke and Leia to the Temple? You’re not here to take them away?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title, both one and two, are also from Fight Song by Rachel Platten. It's kind of my favorite song right now, and it sort of fits.
> 
> Also, thank you so much for all the comments and kudos! That was a huge surprise, and it made my day even as I worried about not living up to expectations. Thank you guys so much!
> 
> \----
> 
> Edit July 19th, 2017: I HAVE NOT ABANDONED THIS. THAT IS NOT WHAT THIS NOTE IS ABOUT. Sadly, it's not an announcement about updating soon either. I've gone on a long break for it, I know. I'm so sorry. My Spring Break almost immediately followed posting chapter 2 of this fic, and during Spring Break I fell into a different fandom. I get extremely hooked on one fandom at a time, so when I was dropped into the other fandom, this one fell to the side. Since then, I've hopped through a few different fandoms, and I'm not back yet. As The Last Jedi gets close, I'm highly likely to return, and then I'll have the motivation to properly write this fic and do it the justice it deserves.
> 
> My lack of updates had nothing to do with me losing my muse or anything because of Obi-Wan's confession, despite what some think. It was literally just that I started obsessing over something else and lost all inspiration to write this. I know (knew? maybe? I'll have to find my previous notes on this fic) where this was (and will be) headed.
> 
> When I'm slammed into the Star Wars fandom again, I swear I'll try to do a lot of writing for this. I can't imagine this fic will have more than 10 chapters, but I don't know right now. I'm sorry about all of this, I really am.


End file.
